The Hidden Influences Behind Feeling Stuck. Part 2: Navigating Midlife Career Conflict and Rediscovery

In Part 1, we uncovered how early parenting styles can shape the foundations of our career identity, often steering engineering leaders into roles aligned more with external expectations, rather than authentic interest. These unconscious choices, rooted in childhood, can interfere with the true alignment of long-term aspirations and set the stage for a midlife review. This is the point in life, when motivation fades and even our previous top-performers begin to question the sustainability of their current career path.

The Midlife Career Crisis

What happens when motivation fades after years of climbing the ranks? The unsettling feeling of being in the wrong place might emerge, when we slowly start realising, that our current career identity is more a consequence of the circumstances we had growing up, rather than the self-authored story we would have wanted to write about ourselves. The bigger the misalignment between our perceived self and the actual experiences we are living, the more internal conflict we have. This is the point where we hear statements like “Everybody is telling me, that I have such a wonderful life. So what is my problem?”

London’s (1983) career motivation theory clarifies this by outlining three interconnected elements of career motivation: career identity (how we see ourselves professionally), career insight (our understanding of strengths and environment), and career resilience (our capacity to adapt to change). When and individual’s career identity is well integrated in the individual’s self-concept, the greater impact it has on career decisions and behaviour, even at the risk of personal sacrifice. And this is why a mid-life career reevaluation is such a complex, and extremely difficult thing. Even if we notice the disconnect, it is extremely hard to let go of that core part of our identity, that has defined most of our life and self-concept.

This dynamic vividly emerged throughout the interviews. Many of the leaders spoke about the paradox between maintaining competence and high output on one hand, and experiencing emotional exhaustion and questioning their purpose on the other. These experiences fit within broader developmental frameworks such as Super’s (1980) life-career rainbow, which recognises midlife as a natural, critical phase of role renegotiation. According to Super, it is not an extraordinary phenomenon if an adult in midlife asks themselves the question: “Why am I earning my living with this particular job?” When this question is examined in depth, some may conclude that the motivations underlying their original career choice are no longer relevant.

The Psychological Process of Transition and the Transtheoretical Model (TTM)

The journey through midlife career transition is deeply complex and often emotionally charged. It frequently resembles the stages of grief model proposed by Kübler-Ross (1969): individuals navigate denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and ultimately acceptance and transformation. However, this progression is neither linear nor uniform, each leader’s experience is unique, influenced by their personal circumstances, coping mechanisms, and support systems.

Building on this, the Transtheoretical Model (TTM), integrated with Super’s life-span, life-space theory, provides a valuable framework to understand how leaders consciously move through career change processes (Barclay, Stoltz & Chung, 2011; Prochaska et al., 1998).

The TTM outlines five stages of intentional change that reflect cognitive, emotional, and behavioral shifts over time:

• In the Precontemplation stage, individuals experience dissatisfaction or disengagement but remain unaware or not ready to consider change. Their interest in their profession diminishes, and motivation and energy invested in work declines, yet the idea of change is often rejected or avoided.

• Next, in the Contemplation stage, there is a growing awareness of dissatisfaction that sparks anxiety about the future. Thoughts of possible career changes arise, and individuals begin considering the pros and cons while developing an increasing sense of control and self-efficacy. At this stage however, ambivalence remains strong.

• The Preparation stage marks increasing motivation to change. Individuals actively explore alternative career options, assess skills and interests, and begin planning potential transitions. This stage often involves concrete goal-setting and mental readiness to move forward.

• Following this, the Action stage involves actively implementing changes. Leaders make visible behavioural changes, like seeking new opportunities, learning new skills, or adjusting their professional roles. This stage demands commitment and sustained effort.

• Finally, the Maintenance stage focuses on sustaining the new behaviours and identity adjustments over time. Leaders solidify their career changes, integrate them fully into their lives, and work to prevent regression or relapse into old patterns.

This model emphasises that career change is a spiralling, dynamic process rather than a single decision, requiring ongoing cognitive, emotional, and behavioural engagement.

Where Interviewees Stand in the Process of Change

The qualitative data gathered from the leaders participating in the research revealed differentiated positions along these stages of change. Some participants remain in precontemplation, disengaged but uncertain about change, often continuing in misaligned roles. Others have entered contemplation, reflecting deeply on dissatisfaction and weighing alternative career paths, needless to say, they do this with a fair dose of anxiety and uncertainty. A smaller group is moving through preparation, taking concrete steps such as researching options, developing new skills, and engaging with parallel career paths.

Parenting Styles and Career Change Prospects in Midlife

A key finding relates to how early parenting styles influence these pathways. Those raised in authoritarian environments often show constrained career exploration and normative identity processing, strongly conforming to external expectations. This upbringing tends to result in greater difficulties during midlife transitions, marked by amplified internal conflict, restlessness, and challenges in authentic career realignment. Consequently, these individuals disproportionately linger in the precontemplation and contemplation stages, struggling with anxiety and hesitation to commit to change.

In contrast, leaders from authoritative backgrounds typically display an informative identity processing style characterised by reflective self-awareness, critical evaluation of career and personal interests, and autonomous decision-making. These individuals more readily engage in preparation and action phases, exploring alternatives constructively and demonstrating greater resilience. Their behaviours more often reflect proactive commitment to career change, supported by ongoing development and clear steps taken.

Rewriting the Career Narrative

For many leaders, midlife career conflict does not mean abandoning their current roles immediately. Instead, renewal often comes through consciously reshaping existing positions to better align with their evolving personal values and authentic selves. Others embark on parallel or alternative career journeys, such as entrepreneurship, mentoring, or new professional pursuits, to regain a sense of autonomy and meaningful purpose. These transformative shifts reflect a deliberate process of re-authoring one’s career story, moving away from externally imposed expectations toward self-authored, authentic identity and fulfilment.

Organizational Implications

The experience of feeling stuck in midlife leadership is far more than a simple loss of motivation. It’s a manifestation of deep psychological blockages rooted in identity conflicts and unresolved early socialisation patterns. These blockages create profound misalignments between a leaders’ perceived professional selves and their authentic identities. Addressing this requires moving beyond traditional, superficial organisational wellbeing programs that focus on perks or short-term engagement measures.

True support involves uncovering these underlying identity misalignments and guiding individuals through self-reflection and developmental processes that help them reconnect with their authentic calling. It is far more beneficial (both to the person, and the organisation) to help people recognise when their current role contributes to this disconnect and to empower them to realign their careers accordingly.

Organizational wellbeing strategies must evolve to embrace psychological depth, creating environments where such explorations and transformations can take place safely and constructively. Only by addressing these core psychological needs can leaders break free from stagnation, reignite intrinsic motivation, and fully contribute.

References:

Baumrind, D. (1991). Parenting styles and adolescent development. In R. M. Lerner, A. C. Petersen, & J. Brooks-Gunn (Eds.), Encyclopedia of adolescence (pp. 746–758). Garland Publishing.

Berzonsky, M. D. (2003). Identity style and well-being: Does commitment matter? Identity, 3(2), 131–142.

Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Macmillan.

London, M. (1983). Toward a theory of career motivation. Academy of Management Review, 8(4), 620–630.

Marcia, J. E. (1966). Development and validation of ego-identity status. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 3(5), 551–558.

Prochaska, J. O., DiClemente, C. C., & Norcross, J. C. (1998). In search of how people change: Applications to addictive behaviors. American Psychologist, 47(9), 1102–1114.

Super, D. E. (1980). A life-span, life-space approach to career development. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 16(3), 282–298.